Puns

For the upcoming MSA FOC 2015, I'll be the programmer for the Amazing Jalan-Jalan. While planning the station game, I became interested in puns and decided to use it as a basis of a station game which is eventually taken.

For your reading pleasure(if you can take the lameness), these are 44 puns that I found from Twitter which I found kinda zha dou:

1.   You’re living, occupying space and have mass. What does that mean? It means you matter.
2.   What if you hit your alarm one morning and it hits you back? That would be alarming.
3.  Why did the emo chicken cross the road? To get to the other ‘sigh’.
4.  Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda.
5.  A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
6.   I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed. Not my fault that they don’t have Windows.
7. You must be a teacher, because you’ve got class.
8. Never trust an atom because they make up everything.
9. If a deaf person goes to court, it is still hearing?
10. What do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
11. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
12. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
13.  Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
14. The girl quits her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.
15.  Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
16. When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
17. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
18. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it strikes me.
19. Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.
20. My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
21. Thank god for nipples. Without it, boobs would be pointless.
22. When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
23.  So I've decided that my wifi will be my valentine. I don’t know, we just have this connection.
24. I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks where I am, I’m outstanding.
25. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying.
26. I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
27. I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. I was like OMg.
28. What is the difference between snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs.
29. What does Michael Jordan like on his toast? Space Jam
30. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
31. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
32. The name is bond, ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
33. Hey what’s your name? Bond, James Bond. And yours? Ken, Chic Ken.
34. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing. It just let out a little whine.
35. I’ve accepted the fact that being cremated is my last hope for a smoking, hot body.
36. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
37. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
38. What did Harry Potter fans drink every morning? An expresso patronum.
39.  England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
40. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé
41.  I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!”
42. What did Barrack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed? I don’t wanna be Obama self.
43. I am no photographer, but I can picture us together.
44. You hate stupid puns? My Apollo-Gees.