Fade Away - Wei Xin

Greetings to all my faithful friends who still keep an eye on my blog. Here I'm back again with an updated post. Perhaps a second one will be coming right after I finish this post. It may take you only a short while to read these posts but for me,it will take a very long time just to finish these two posts. T_T Anyway, this post is about friendship but since the video above is the major source of inspiration,I thought it would only be appropriate for me to put the song's name as the title of this post. Before I get down to the topic,let me comment a little about this video: nice song and meaningful lyrics. =)

Back to the topic, after I listened to this song, one question linger in my mind: What's the definition of a close friend? Someone who accepts you for who you are? Someone who shares your view and interest? Someone who is there to support you when you need him/her? Someone who is your companion in life? Someone whom you share your personal secrets? Someone whom you have a great deal of trust in? Someone who respect your decision even though he/she may disagree with you sometimes? Someone who is patient with your flaws? Someone who is willing to sacrifice in some way for you?

Many answers flooded my mind. As I try to evaluate a single friend that could fit those criteria, I find difficulty in single out one particular person. I ask myself why. Perhaps I'm too naive thinking that I could have a friend who should fill all those criteria in order to be considered my close friend. Things seem to have change little by little as we step into adulthood. I wonder where is the oh-so-good feeling that I once had when I'm with my friends. The kind of friendship that used to blossom during the good times seems like fading away.

Everyone has a different perspective about how a close friend should be. For me, a close friend can never be too close. The closer you are with that particular friend, the higher the expectation you wish that friend should fulfill. And the higher the expectation you wish that friend should fulfill, the higher the disappointment you may feel towards him/her when the expectation is not met. Lets face it. Most of us are selfish in some way towards our close friend. We expect too much from them when we become too close with that friend. And when that particular friend fell short of our expectation, we will be like Oh he/she is not my closest friend after all. That kind of close friendship that we think we have always seem to betray us when things do not go our way.

A even more ironic situation is when a new friend emerge in our life and that particular friend seems to be able to fulfill some kind of expectation that we feel our 'old' close friend couldn't, some of us will start to think OH this new friend is a closer friend than our 'old' close friend. The thing that I feel stupid about this situation is sometimes we are too irrational to make a quick conclusion on who is our closest friend. We can be so dumb that we decide to put our 'new' close friend ahead of our 'old' close friend when the friendship we develop with that new friend is only just a short while. And even more pathetic is our 'old' close friend will start to feel we don't value the friendship we used to have anymore and that close friendship which last many years starts to fade away. In the end, we lose a close friend.

Well, as I typed all these things out, not only did I just reflect on the situation that I saw my friends had been in, I also reflect on my own situation. Those situation that I mentioned above seem to occur when we are still young and naive. And it is this kind of naive that causes us to be irrational when we handle our friendship with others. Look, what does it take for us when we consider someone to be our close friend? I believe it takes a long time to have that kind of friendship which we consider close and valuable. Someone will not be such a close friend to you for such a long time if he/she doesn't see you as soulmate. I also believe both party have taken a considerable amount of time and factors before consider each other as close friend.

Some might argue that our close friend has changed. They aren't the same person that we used to know anymore. Well, I will argue back that everyone changes,isn't it? Whether change in a good way or bad way, people still can change, and that includes ourselves. You may say that that close friend has changed and doesn't value the friendship like they used to be, but why don't you think about that you too might have change and doesn't value the friendship like they used to be as well? And that you are the one that gives up on your close friend when you realize he/she isn't the close friend you hope he/she to be?

All the things I mentioned above can be very subjective. As the saying things are on the eyes of the beholder goes, it's up to you to decide who's your close friend is and how that particular friend should portray the character of your close friend. What I'm trying to point out is do not give up easily on the many years of friendship that you and your friends have. It doesn't matter whether our close friend has changed or not for as long as you hold the key of faith to the friendship and you still appreciate for what your close friend HAD been, I believe that friendship will last if you and your friend are meant to be soulmate. BUT please bear in mind of this: Friend forever is yes,but not close friend is forever. LOLS

As I finished this post and reflect on my own mistake in treating the friendship situation, I not only erase the difficulty in evaluating my close friend, but I found more than one friend that can be considered my close friends. =)

To all my friends that appear in my life, you are the best the friend I could ever have. =)
TC.

We should have the magnanimity to acknowledge differences and appreciate others' capability

Greetings to all the readers who used to have read my blogs. First of all, I would like to say sorry to those always anticipate updates from my blog. Sorry for disappointing you so many times. If you have the feelings of OH-FOR-AGES-AND-CENTURIES-YOU-FINALLY-UPDATED, then I hope this post would be one of the interesting posts for you to read and rethink about what I wrote. This is because I need a great deal of inspiration to have ideas of what to update about. Personally,I don't like to update about my personal life or some random things. I don't want my posts to be those just to fill up your time. I would prefer to update things which are memorable to me as well as the things who could make you sit,re-read and are meaningful to you.

If you wonder where was this great deal of inspiration come from,it came from a conversation between me and my 学记（literally student reporter) senior. She and I started our conversation with our respective education plan until we slowly moved our topics to school life,personal experience in our student reporter life and finally life itself. And before I forget,the title of this post isn't really what I would just talk about in this post. This post generally contains the main points of our meaningful conversation. The title itself is basically what I learned from our conversation.

During your school life, do you ever have the attitude of judging people negatively and often overlook their ability because you dislike them or simply because you think you are smarter than them? Well,to be frank, I guess each and everyone of us including me,more or less has this kind of attitude. If you say you are the exception, I could only say you are probably the closest thing to God. xD Next,have you ever feel threatened when someone perform better than you at the things you feel you are good at? Lastly,have you ever wonder why there are always the feelings of heavy pressure from other people in your school who watch closely at what you did and are ready to pounce on your mistakes whenever you make one? If these questions make you start thinking,then I'm sure this post would be meaningful and interesting to you. =D

In my opinion,the root to the answer of all questions above is we lack the magnanimity to acknowledge differences and appreciate others' capability. In school,this problem occur to many of us,especially those so-called 'smart' student like me. To be honest, I guess many of us including me always have this negative mindset of judging people because we dislike them and we think we are smarter/better than them. And when we start to dislike them and feel we are better than them,we often overlook their capability and ability at doing things which we are not good at. These are what I feel often or sometimes occur to many of us including me in school.

Outside of school,and in my case my student reporter life,things are different. In the student reporter organisation,you can find many types of people from different backgrounds. I have a different mindset of judging my fellow student reporters aka Xue Ji compared to how I judge my schoolmates. I judge my fellow Xue Jis in a way more positive mindset. In school,I often overlook others' capability and ability in doing things which I'm not good at. But in student reporter, I actually admire others' capability and ability in doing things which I'm not good at.
It seems to be a little contradicting and funny to me when I noticed the difference. So I began to wonder why.

And I guess the simplest reason is competition. Yes,life in school itself is just like a competition. We always check out what our schoolmates/classmates did and we strive to be better than them. We always want to outscore our schoolmates and perform better in examination. And the funniest thing I found out about school life is the feeling of wanting to compete even brought to our extra-curricular activities!!! Students fighting for top position in clubs to get better extra-curricular marks. The president and vice president of the club having different opinions on matters regarding to the club. Club members side either with the president or the vice president because of personal preference. *facepalm*

The greatest thing for me to be part of the Xue Ji family is everyone of us is equal. All of us have one common identity in this big family: we are all student reporters. There are very little individualism in this family. There are no competition among us. The leader who is in charge of this little community always try his best to instill the concept of teamwork among us when we organised a camp. The leader always remind each and every Xue Jis that although we may be different from one another in terms of background and have different opinions towards one another,we are just about the same as one another in trying to achieve one common goal together. We feel bonded to each other and therefore we have a positive mindset towards other Xue Ji.

Do not get the wrong idea that I'm trying to say the school is like hell and my student reporter organisation is like heaven. What I am trying to point out is that we should have the magnanimity to acknowledge differences and appreciate others' capability IN SCHOOL. I am sure that there are people in school who acknowledge differences and appreciate others' capability. BUT way too less,too little compared to life as a student reporter. Often I feel that many of us,INCLUDING ME,always have a negative mindset in judging other people in the school. I just think that the culture of acknowledging differences and appreciating others' capability should be instilled among the students by the teachers. But to my disappointment,very little teachers notices the importance of this culture and the students themselves neglect it in their school life.

Notice that there are couple of times I mentioned INCLUDING ME in the 3rd and 4th paragraphs? If anyone who read this post feel offended,I want to reaffirm that I'm writing this topic in general and has no means to offend anyone because this post is sort of a self reflection for me. To be frank,I have those attitude to almost everyone in school,even to my best friends SOMETIMES. If I say I despise the difference between me and my schoolmates,I actually appreciate the difference between me and my fellow student reporters. The purpose of writing this post is just to share the lessons I learned and hopefully this could help to instill a positive mindset in you to embrace more on acknowledging differences and appreciating others' capability.

Since this post is sort of a self reflection for me,I hope that there are some people who feel the same way like me. IF NOT,I'm really writing this post for the guilty TC to read and reflect on himself. It would feel very awkward. HAHAHAHAHA!!! I also hope this post manage to get you to reflect on the topic I discussed above. Lets us improve together as a person. =D

Thanks for spending your time to read this post. =)