Thanks but no thanks

I should have sleep earlier but instead I spent time trying to find a topic to blog about which ended as an unsuccessful effort. Nevertheless, I decided to do a short post this time just to speak out my feelings.

I know there are things in life you couldn't change/get and I need to leave it behind and look forward to making a better future. The thing for me is that I am looking forward to making a better future but I couldn't quite leave the past behind. I'm (still) feeling hard done by what I couldn't get in the past despite the hard work and effort that I put into it.

I appreciate the words of bracing from you but only because the words came from a friend that I really treasure like you. I know that feeling hard done about not getting the thing I wish for won't give me a happy life. In those moments of emotional struggles, I sometimes welcome that feeling of emotional pain and the state of oblivion because it allows me to feel that I should have let go of everything and just give up.

I've faced with this kind of situation before during my college life. At that time, I was able to turn those feelings into motivation and subsequently push myself into achieving(almost) the target that I set. Yes, it came at a heavy price in sacrificing my social life, well-being and happiness but as you once said 'The end justifies the means', I did not regret at all for how I went about my college life.

Now, I'm faced with a tougher struggle with myself emotionally. I've hit a heavy road bump and at one point almost give up everything that I had worked for. I'm glad that my perseverance got me over the idea of giving up and gave me the strength to continue. I know perfectly well the road ahead is much tougher and longer than the one I faced during my college life. I am ready to take the same approach in dealing with myself emotionally as well as my life(albeit, and hopefully, with a little more wisdom). At this point in my life, happiness is a reasonable price to pay for chasing the success and dream that I want.

I also know there is no guarantee of success for the fact that lady luck has deserted me many times before. But as people says the fear for failure will only separate you from success further, I am ready to give everything that I got to chase that elusive dream no matter what the end result is.